adoption related mushiness

i woke up to this

During the long, long wait for this baby to come home I was constantly waking up and remembering.  In the early days it was the sudden remembrance that I had a maybe-baby.  That rush of butterflies and moonbeans and everything is new and the world is awash with possibilities and dreams.   Remembering that there was a beautiful baby on the other side of the world who had my heart.  And would have it for the rest of my life.

And this morning?  This morning I walked down the hallway and saw this scene.  My baby on the loveseat, sunlight streaming in, tulips blooming, my husband nearby.  It made me catch my breath.  It made me run down the hall and scoop up my baby in my arms.  It was the sudden rush of remembering that maybe-baby was now forever-baby.  That the other side of the world was now the same side of the world.  The remembrance that I was a mother.

So after we waved goodbye to Daddy on his way to work I put him back on the loveseat to capture it forever.  Because this is a feeling I want to remember.

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slobber my heart

Tonight, I got my first baby kiss.  It was divine.

I was holding baby boy in the kitchen and talking to Nate and said “I think he’s probably tired of mommy’s kisses” and with that baby boy looked right at me, puckered up his little lips and planted one on my cheek.  Then he did it about ten more times.

Bliss baby.  Slobbery baby bliss.

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gushing

frozen

When I look back on this time in your life Thane, this is how I’ll remember you: eyes big and beautiful, half a smile, and arms a-waving.

You get so excited, about so many things.  I love watching life through your eyes.  I love how you light up when Daddy and I talk to you.  I love how you do something clever and then look to see if we’re watching.

We are baby boy.

We’ll be watching with pride, always.  When you take your first steps, when you throw your first ball, when you get your first job.  And when I sit at your wedding someday watching you say your vows I’m going to wonder if inside your head, your arms are still a-waving.DSC_0308

family age

four weeks old

Our family age is now four weeks.  If I try to sum up the main theme of each week it would be:

1st week: Changes

2nd week: building trust

3rd week: relaxing

4th week: snuggles

 

Oh the snuggles.  Thane now leans into us constantly.  Grabs our legs when we walk by.  Rests against us when he sits in our laps.  He wants physical contact all the time.  And I love it.  When I used to sit next to him on the couch while he looked out the window he was content to be near.  Now he has to be touching. I didn’t think this would come so soon.  I’m happy it has.

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curtains make the best hiding places

Today Nate & and I had things to do and decision to make.  So I put the baby down on the kitchen floor, gave him a few toys, and joined his daddy at the kitchen island.

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Silly Mommy. Who needs toys when there are curtains to play peekaboo in?

 

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I hope when he’s grown and his laughter is more refined and less baby-pterodactyl sounding I can still remember that sound.

 

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His dimples like to play peekaboo too.

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windmills and vroom-vrooms, picture is unrelated

Today I informed Thane we were going “vroom, vroom in the car” to see Daddy at work.  He waved his arms and smiled (typical) and then said “vroom, vroom”.  Hold the presses folks we have a brilliant child here.  Then, we got in the car and I put him in his car seat where he immediately whipped his little head around with the biggest smile on his face looking for where Daddy always sits in the driver’s seat. Then the poor child looked back at me with a “what the…” look on his face.  Whoops.

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So we drove to Nate’s work where Thane was relieved that my promise held true and we did indeed see Daddy.  I then left my child with his Daddy and went off to my doctor’s appointment.  Okay, so it was a doctor who does massage therapy.  Which my insurance pays for.  I am lucky no?  Except for the whole going to get massages to help keep down the chronic and unrelenting pain part of my life of course.

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Coming back to get my little one so his Dad could continue on in the business of making us money to spend my husband brought Nat to the door to meet me and when his little face broke into the biggest grin upon seeing me I thought I might just die.  Seriously.  No wonder N goes to work everyday.  It’s almost worth it to leave to come back to that much excitement.  I often wonder if Nat’s arms are going to fall off in the midst of one of his “I am so happy my arms have turned into windmills” moments.  But so far all is good.

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hat baby

Yesterday he found Daddy’s hat on the floor.  And put it on his head.  Whether he knew what it was or was just attempting to play peekaboo like we do with blankets and laundry and a million other things I don’t know.  What I do know is this child is too cute for his own good.

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