adoption related mushiness

i woke up to this

During the long, long wait for this baby to come home I was constantly waking up and remembering.  In the early days it was the sudden remembrance that I had a maybe-baby.  That rush of butterflies and moonbeans and everything is new and the world is awash with possibilities and dreams.   Remembering that there was a beautiful baby on the other side of the world who had my heart.  And would have it for the rest of my life.

And this morning?  This morning I walked down the hallway and saw this scene.  My baby on the loveseat, sunlight streaming in, tulips blooming, my husband nearby.  It made me catch my breath.  It made me run down the hall and scoop up my baby in my arms.  It was the sudden rush of remembering that maybe-baby was now forever-baby.  That the other side of the world was now the same side of the world.  The remembrance that I was a mother.

So after we waved goodbye to Daddy on his way to work I put him back on the loveseat to capture it forever.  Because this is a feeling I want to remember.