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a decade with him

This summer we celebrated ten years of marriage. It feels more like a decade though. I tried multiple times to write out what it meant to me but it got too personal to post. I think though, it can be summed up like this: there were grand moments and glorious moments and moments that felt like our souls were getting torn apart, but in the end we had each other and so we had everything.

I don’t believe in the traditional view of soul-mates. I don’t believe there was one destined to be mine since the beginning of time.  But I do believe that in finding him I found something magical and my awe in that knowing leaves my speechless. There is something sacred in realizing that another human being has a bit of your heart tucked into their own.

If I had to do the last ten years over, I think I would repeat the first few and the last few and skip the middle parts. Kind of like most movie trilogies. But if I did have to do it all over again I know I would do it with him. Again. Because he’s the one I love.

A Pre-Ceremony48

We got married at sunset in his grandparent’s backyard. The Colorado foothills behind us. It felt magical. I wore a wedding dress my mother helped me sew, my flower girls wore butterfly wings, and our vows were majorly mushy and over the top. Like most wedding vows I suppose.

Our little reception took place before the wedding ceremony. This despite our pastor and his wife’s dire warning that it was rather unseemly since nothing had yet occurred to celebrate. Because I guess finding your One doesn’t matter if you haven’t said a few magical words. The ceremony was at sunset, and afterwards we had chocolate cake and goblets of milk. The goblets were a surprise. My Mama’s doing. Mismatched goblets that looked perfect together. She was pinteresting before pinterest was cool.

us in hawaii

We bought a little Condo and moved in when we came home from our honeymoon. We spent every non working moment together, building little fires in the little fireplace of our little perfect living room. We still own that Condo, but it’s a rental now. Sometimes when life gets tough I daydream about going back and living there. It’s comfortable and safe and homey. Like sitting on your parents’ lap makes everything better when you’re little somehow our little Swallow Condo feels like a place to hide away and be protected in.

It seems so far away now. Those days. Those people seem like babies. Which makes me laugh because I know I’ll be looking back at these days in another decade thinking of what a baby I was now. I wonder if that ever stops? Or if you lay on your death bed thinking of ten years earlier and remarking on how much you’ve changed. Maybe when they say your life flashes before you that’s what they mean. All your former selves dancing across the screen of your mind, like flickering ghosts, and when the parade finally ends and you see the version of yourself that is lying there you know it’s time to move on to whatever comes after this life.

I can only hope I’m holding his hand when that moment comes.

rome

{{Pictures from our wedding, one my best friend’s wedding*, and a self portrait in Rome. *we obviously don’t take a lot of photographs of us when it’s not a wedding.}}

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4 thoughts on “a decade with him”

  1. Y’all are lovely people. And honestly, you don’t look a day older. I hope that’s a good thing in your world, because I haven’t liked hearing that I look younger than my age since I was tiny. 😉 So happy for you both. Here’s to many more decades.

  2. Congratulations! We’re working up to our 10 years and I already look back on my former self and think ‘I was so young’. I love how you described life flashing before our eyes.

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