adoption related mushiness

we loved you before we knew you

When Thane first came to join our family I started writing this little ditty that I sing to him during rocking to sleep times.  It starts like this: “I loved you before I knew you, before I saw you, before I dreamed you. I loved you before I knew you, but not as much as I do now…” I’m looking forward to singing it to our new baby someday.  Maybe I’ll actually finish it too.  So as I start to think of plans []

family and the things I don’t write about

I don’t talk much about them because I value my privacy pretty highly so respecting others privacy is important to me.  So I keep most of the memories and pictures of times with family off this little online journal.  But what times we have had the last few days!  Perfect times that you want to bottle up and hold onto forever.  More cave paintings of the soul if you will. We’ve spent the last week in the same town where my Dad, []

dirty mirrors

We have this mirrored wall in our living room.  I’m not sure which previous owner put it there but I’m guessing it was someone who woke up looking slightly better than I do in the morning.  Because running into a reflection of yourself first thing is not my idea of a good way to start the day. But Thane and I do have this ritual when we see ourselves in a mirror together.  We stop, I squeeze his cheek to mine or give []

of trees and foster mothers

We have a picture of Thane’s foster mother, “B” that was taken shortly before he joined our family. She is sitting with him on her lap with both of them facing the camera. And the first time I showed him the picture his eyes lit up and he reached out with chubby baby hands to stroke her face. It was a different expression that I’ve ever seen. It said there she is, she isn’t gone, she’s still here. And also, this person []

tales from a trans-racial family at target

Thane and I went shopping a few days ago. He happily helped me push the cart along until I stopped in front of the stuffed animal section to look for a gift for our maybe-baby’s care package.  Bored with this particular part of the aisle he walked a few yards away from me, past a very pregnant couple, to look at the toys that make noise (a sensible choice I thought.)  The couple said hi to him, he smiled back and then []

six months together

This week we celebrated six months together.  That seems unreal.  It’s been an amazing six months. It’s been perfect and beautiful and messy and amazing.  I love this kid.  He’s clever and brilliant and courageous and trusting.  He’s also really cute and has a smile that makes even gruff old guys and too hip-for-life teens smile back when he works his dimpled magic on them at the grocery store. Six months ago I was so nervous. Just waiting to meet him, hold []

beautiful eyes

Three months into this parenting-thing and I notice little things more and more.  I celebrate the little moments.  Today, it’s eye contact. The differences between now and then are amazing to me. He used to not want to hold eye contact throughout a whole bottle, and if I tried he would become agitated and irritated. So I would look him in the eyes for a little white, then look away to give him a break. Eventually he learned to look away himself []