adoption related seriousness

a year ago

A year ago I woke up with a pounding in my chest. Every part of my body felt numb and wooden. I can hardly move with the weight of excitement crushing down on me. And then this happened. Then we met the baby we had loved so long from so far. Then he was with us. And today the little moments come back to me. Sitting on the bed and feeding him his first bottle. Willing him to drink when he didn’t want []

when the mountains don’t move

So what does it mean when your mountains don’t move?  When you pray the “prayer of faith” but there is no splash at the end to indicate that God was listening? What does it mean when those same prayers from other lips get answered?  When their “miracle” request is granted and yours gets filed in the trash bin of heaven? I find myself tempted to believe I didn’t do something right, didn’t pray the right words, didn’t have the right heart.  As []

please let him have a family

The truth is I miss my baby.  The one on the other side of the world, the one I’ve never met, the one I don’t know when I’ll meet.  There is no magic pill that makes this easy.  Putting “adoptive” in front of “mother” in my title doesn’t mean I am suddenly immune from the ache of having my child so far away. The truth is that I think about him when I wake up and when I go to sleep.  I []

half a lifetime

Sometime in September we passed a little milestone in our life together.  Half of his life.  Half of his life has now been spent with us.   Seven and a half months apart, seven and a half months together. The first half of his life went much slower for me than the second half.  Funny how that works. Having him with us is the sun and the moon and the stars and everything wonderful.  We are so lucky to be his parents.  To []

of trees and foster mothers

We have a picture of Thane’s foster mother, “B” that was taken shortly before he joined our family. She is sitting with him on her lap with both of them facing the camera. And the first time I showed him the picture his eyes lit up and he reached out with chubby baby hands to stroke her face. It was a different expression that I’ve ever seen. It said there she is, she isn’t gone, she’s still here. And also, this person []

storks and airplanes

I don’t feel the need to say I love my kid like he was my own flesh and blood.  The truth is I love him like he was adopted into my family. See, I don’t believe that blood is the all holy grail that everything must be compared to.  I don’t feel the need to somehow prove that we’re as viable a family as those who share a biological code.  I don’t need to compare my love to that of genetically linked []

random thoughts

Adoption/fostering is such a contradiction in emotions at times I think.  Because whenever I get excited for one of my friends that has a placement or a referral my heart is also breaking a little thinking of what the kids had to go through to bring them to the point where they needed the placement/referral. Even with Thane I feel that. My love for him is so strong that to think of being separated from him makes me feel my heart is crumbling, []