please let him have a family

The truth is I miss my baby.  The one on the other side of the world, the one I’ve never met, the one I don’t know when I’ll meet.  There is no magic pill that makes this easy.  Putting “adoptive” in front of “mother” in my title doesn’t mean I am suddenly immune from the ache of having my child so far away. The truth is that I think about him when I wake up and when I go to sleep.  I []

baby brothers

My mom is in town this week and we’re getting my life organized.  It’s amazing.  The big project is getting the office turned from a hideous mess of messiness to a darling nursery for K.  Considering the mess that was the office this is impressive.  Nate and I went through boxes that haven’t been opened since we moved in.  Clearly I need to watch some episodes of Hoarders to scare me into better habits.  But it’s cleared out now and then the fun []

out with a whimper

I suppose it’s strange to say I’m proud of myself for doing something as simple as writing or posting something everyday for 31 days, but I am.  I’d love to sum up the experience in some profound, meaningful way.  Wrap it up with a neat tidy bow of lessons learned.  And I have learned some lessons.  I’ve learned that even when you think you have nothing to say you probably actually do.  I’ve learned that talking into an empty room is intimidating []

a promise to myself

Ten years ago Nate and I started dating, and started talking about adoption. Life has gone according to plan, except where it hasn’t. There are things so much better than I imagined and there have been losses that will never stop hurting. It’s so easy in the FB/online world to think people’s lives are picture perfect. And no one’s life is. But this is the only one I’m going to get so today I’m trying to learn to just let go of []

perfection: enemy of the good

A few years ago I went through something personally and it changed me, and not in a good way.  I became more afraid, less willing to take risks, more aware of “danger”.  It changed me in good ways as well but those are harder to see (aren’t they always?)  I’ve been slowly trying to reclaim those fearless parts of the person I was.  Jumping in without testing the water more often.  Because I miss that part of me.  The part of me []

twenty three pictures

Dear Thane: During our wait for you the best part of each month was getting update pictures.  We must have stared at each set for hours, taking in each expression you made, marveling at each glimpse into your personality. Memorizing each freeze framed moment of your life that we were given.  Twenty three pictures, that’s how many we have of you during those first seven and a half months of your life. I cherish each and every one.  Even the silly ones []

picture post: cutie

In unrelated news Thane has decided that rain is pretty much the funniest thing ever thought of.  We walk outside in it and he starts laughing and doesn’t stop until we get in the car.  I guess we brought him home to the right state after all.  I had my doubts in January when it was bitter cold and our furnace went out four days after he came to the US. I’m curious to see how long this stage lasts, because we have []