one month together

He’s really here. I have remind myself of that a few times a day. I’ll have him on my lap, cuddling his little body in my arms and it will hit me: this is real, we’re together. It happened. During the process of waiting I held a duel reality in my head and in my heart: he’s mine, he might never be mine. Loving without knowing is a different kind of love. It’s a deep, pounding, fight-to-the-end kind of love that doesn’t []

a very unpinterest easter

I’m going to go ahead and say it: I didn’t grow grass for a tablescape,  didn’t put marshmallows inside pastry, didn’t handsew anything, and I certainly didn’t gold leaf any eggs. Tal’s disappointment was quite severe. But we had a blast. An absolute blast. I think my favorite moment of the day came when Nate and I were in the garage, he was looking for  our pop-up shelter to give us a little shade and I was putting together the boys’ Easter []

my curly-haired boy

Thane’s first picture showed us a sleeping baby with a halo of curls. It melted my heart. And since he joined our family I’ve gotten to know a lot more about his type of hair and how to keep it healthy, it’s so much fun having a curly-haired boy. A few other moms have asked me to write about his hair care routine, so here it is. I admit I struggled with writing it. I’m not an expert, I only know what works []

on loving and expecting and trying to hold two babies

Tal is an amazing human being. I guess that goes without saying, isn’t every baby? And of course I’m his mom so my opinion comes wildly biased. But throughout the process of his adoption, as we got update pictures I’d wonder of course about who he would be, what he would be like, his personality and his strengths. It’s a strange thing to fall in love with a person and then get to know then. And now that I’ve gotten just a []

we’re fine, really

A few days ago Nate was holding one screaming child, I was holding the other. And as I watched the blood drip down my leg I realized something: we were going to be fine. I don’t mean in any profound, the world was ours for the taking kind of fine. I mean that the babies were going to get fed and changed and loved on and the four of us were on one continent so really, what else was there? Sure, within twenty-four hours []

the christmas tree that made it

Today I took down our Christmas tree, it finally died. It’s March 12. It’s been standing in our living room for one hundred and fourteen days. When his brother and his daddy and I picked out our tree the weekend of Thanksgiving I don’t remember thinking it would still be up when Tal came home. Mostly I was trying very hard to be present to the fact that our oldest was home. That all the longing and dreaming of “next year our []

the stranger who will be my son

It won’t be long now, they’ll be placing a child in my arms, and I’ll become his mother. And he won’t know who I am. He’ll look at me and won’t recognize me, won’t love me, won’t have any bond to me. And I’ll be his mother. So I’ll do what mothers do. I’ll hold him, and rock him, and feed him. I’ll kiss him and tell him in a language he doesn’t understand that pretty soon things won’t be so new, pretty []