what is and what was and what we remember

I don’t think he’ll remember this moment. The night we had smoothies before or maybe for dinner. The first night he sat like a big boy on the bar stool on our kitchen island. I probably wouldn’t remember it if it wasn’t that I was feeling guilty for taking a total of six pictures since Christmas and decided to grab my camera. It seems that most of childhood is made up of those kind of moments. The moments that are here and then []

nesting and giving and what a dollar can buy

There’s a fine line between “nesting” and insanity. As I found myself pinning 1.5×2 inch rectangles of fabric to a piece of rick rack for the third time last night (because the first two times weren’t quite right) I realized I had crossed it. I originally thought this nesting compulsion was the domain of physically pregnant moms. Not so. A few weeks ago I gave a donation to one of my favorite groups, Shona C*ngo. I gave it because one of the []

an open letter

Dear Patrons of Whatever Store/Mall I Happen to Be Visiting: Yes, to answer your question he is with me. Believe it or not I do not often follow random toddlers through the store for the fun of it. Though I can see it catching on as a work-out craze.  But no, I am in fact trying to keep up with my son who believes that every long empty aisle is a gift from the running gods, made so he can practice his []

the grace of twilight

This adoption process has me reduced to finding solace in “Twilight” quotes. Okay, it’s not quite that bad. It’s actually from a song written for one of the Twilight movies. I didn’t know that though when I first heard it. When I sat there and felt like someone had seen into my soul. Maudlin much? Picture me doing a Kristen Stewart type lip tremble here but with more facial expression. I’m ashamed to admit this but way back when, shortly after we []

expectations of love

A few days ago I woke up in the middle of the night to a little voice calling “mommy! mommy! mooooomyyyyyy”. The little voice crawled from down by our feet where he likes to sleep on top of the covers up towards me. Then his plead changed to “quish! quish!” So I gave him a little squish and he settled down in my arms to fall asleep again. That’s it. No big deal. It only changed my life. I remember the first []

a year ago

A year ago I woke up with a pounding in my chest. Every part of my body felt numb and wooden. I can hardly move with the weight of excitement crushing down on me. And then this happened. Then we met the baby we had loved so long from so far. Then he was with us. And today the little moments come back to me. Sitting on the bed and feeding him his first bottle. Willing him to drink when he didn’t want []

a true story and a note about onesies

True story: On Friday night our adoption agency contact emailed us with pics of K. I wrote back. “I love you. If you send me an email Monday morning telling me we have our <name of paperwork we’ve been waiting forever on> I will love you forever.” Monday she emailed me to say we had it and would have a scanned copy the next day. I’m debating between flowers or chocolates to celebrate our undying love.  I already owe her a statue []